I’m obviously making my best friend miserable. Well, perhaps tormenting her would be the more indicated expression.
When I spiralled out of control as badly as right now the last time, she didn’t know me. I got to know her just after I grabbed some control back.

So she isn’t used to this situation, well, as used as you can be to something like this.

And now I’m acting like a stupid maniac, making her fear she might loose me.
I’m such a moron, I’d do everything to get out of this, for me and because of her. I totally hate doing this to the only person, really caring about me.

I feel so stucked. I’m turning it over and over in my mind, but I can’t see any way out right now.