I hate it. And I love it. Most of the time I simply need it. I’m dependent, absolutly addicted, giving everything I have just for restricting. My friends, my family, my happiness, my life.

I don’t want to, but I do it anyway. Countless therapies didn’t get me off the hook.

I feel I’m not worth anything, but the anorexia gives me the illusion I am at last good at something.
I want control over my body. In therapy they are taking it from me, making me gain weight, irrespective of my own will. Well, its more the anorexia’s will, so they are somehow right doing it, but I want to show them that I can do, what I want with my own damn body.
But proofing would mean dying and that would be a bit definitely.

And just doing it, because I want to proof it, wouldn’t have to do much with an own will.